Let's Get Down to Business
It's obviously been a couple months since I've posted anything. I found that in the first couple of weeks of my "journey" my mind was clear and my intentions were centered and purposeful. I went each day feeling like I could finally breathe. As if anything could be solved by my simply living my life with mindfulness. Then, somewhere along the way, and not far in to be frank, this new enlightenment I was feeling faded. More disheartening then that was I could feel it slipping and I didn't do anything to stop it.
Many other blogs seem to advocate for people to cut themselves some slack when things like this happen. Authors, friends, and family stress to us the importance of knowing that mistakes happen and to realize that we are all human. This is true, of course, and it is important to realize these facts. We all deserve a break from ourselves and our own ridicule. However, at some point in time we have to begin to hold ourselves accountable for the situations we are in. I am speaking abstractly here. As a sociologist, I understand that sometimes our life situation is impacted by situations out of our control. What I am getting at is we need to understand that we have the greatest impact on how we view ourselves and, as such, our self worth.
This has happened to me so many times I have lost count; I begin a new, well-meaning life and everything is great for a short time. In the beginning, I feel like I have so much energy and suddenly everything becomes so clear and easy to navigate. I feel like I'm high and floating about the world, like nothing can bring me down and the story of my life is laid before me in clearly defined paths. Suddenly the unknown becomes embodied in the possibilities of tomorrow and everything becomes much less threatening. Then, a wall emerges seemingly out of nowhere on my path. At first, I easily hop over it without a second thought. And then, a short while down the path, another wall emerges, slightly taller. I could easily jump over it and I know I can. I'm confident in my abilities. However, I decide I'm content on staying on the one side of the wall and do not move. I set up a camp next to the base of the wall. I sit down, not contently but with resistance, and eat my junk food and drink my soda. I play chicken with an inanimate object that has far more patience than I do. To put more clearly, I lose focus of my original intentions. By this point the feeling of euphoria has slipped from my fingers and I shortly return to feeling down all the time. My life because a blur of days where there once was happiness and sadness, anger and love, Mondays and Thursdays. Why does this happen to me? Because I didn't climb over the wall. I didn't make a real effort. I decided that I wasn't worth it. Perhaps most indicative of my feelings towards myself, I decided that I was not worthy of the possibilities of the future, however desirable they may be.
Struggles of Self-Acceptance
I may not have as much life experience as others but I know one thing: you have to have something for yourself before you share it with others. This is my mom's favorite saying and I was raised on it. Today I still think of this at least once a day. What this means is that you cannot live your life to the fullest and you cannot help others or give your best to others if you do not give attention to yourself. This does not mean putting yourself before others but it does mean realizing that you are worth the effort and the struggle. You will fail and it's ok but at some point you have to realize that your life and your choices are yours! You have the power to make changes. Nothing is set in stone. I struggle with this concept on a daily basis. But here's the thing, we all deserve to see what's on the other side of our walls.
For the rest of my posts I'm going to offer something to think about or chew on, if you will, at the end of each post. I'm going to call this section "Food for Thought." I'm going to ask that those reading my blog, if anyone, make an effort to think about this as you go about your daily life. I ask you to think critically about how these can apply to your life, if at all. In what ways can you agree or disagree to the statement? How has this impacted the way you view your life, if at all? Leave some comments so we can have a discussion. I'm make it a point to go about my days, until my next post, thinking about these concepts as well. It's my goal to make at least 2 - 3 blog posts a week. And for once, I'm going to met a goal I set. Let's do it together!
Food for Thought
Willpower is a muscle you build.